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BEFORE we start, I've got to admit that I'd had a bad day. My friend Mark Evans (let's name and shame him) had managed to drill through my water pipe while "helping" me put down the kitchen floor.

We tried putty, a plumbers' bandage, shouting, cussing and threatening it, but nothing would make it stop leaking. But if the people downstairs are reading this, that wet patch on your ceiling is nothing to do with Chuckle Brothers DIY ©.

Six hours after the happy incident - and with two towels wrapped around the pipe - I'd had a shower in my girlfriend's and realised I'd only eaten two pieces of toast all day.

So I was eager to forget about the incident with a meal at the Empire Hotel, and was sure she was just as eager to hear every last detail of my traumatic day, and just how I was going to murder Mark Evans.

It started well. Having never set foot in the hotel before, I was extremely impressed with the decor.

The Poolside Restaurant was smart and sophisticated, and I was impressed with the set menu - a starter, main course, sweet, coffee and quarter bottle of wine for the highly competitive price of £13.95 each.

But then little things started to creep in...

Now there is a simple equation to writing restaurant reviews: Full x smiling faces = pretty good. But as the place quickly packed up to the rafters we started to notice how noisy it became.

Maybe it was the sound echoing off the tiled restaurant, but it certainly wasn't the place for a romantic candlelit evening. Well, not if you don't enjoy shouting at your partner, that is.

We both chose a starter which cost a little extra. My Welsh cheese, leak and walnut terrine was certainly nutty, while I tasted her chicken liver pate - purely for literary reasons - and it was reasonably tasty. So far so good.

But then we were forced to wait a lot longer for our main course than everyone else, and when it did come the gravy had not been wiped away from the side of the plate, leaving it looking decidedly dishevelled.

The fact the steak was a £4.75 supplement on top of the original price meant this all seemed a little lazy, but in fairness the staff seemed rushed off their feet.

Saying this my medium steak was well cooked and as ordered, while the chips were excellent, although she found her chicken rather stodgy and couldn't finish it.

I really didn't appreciate the waiter saying to us, "You liked that didn't you, yeah?" when he took my plate away, before he eventually brought us a flat lemonade. He forgot about the bottle of lager I'd also asked for.

The table next to us had a few problems, too, with a steak coming out well done instead of medium and a coffee being cold.

For Girlfriend X (I'm still not allowed to say her name due to people in her work cutting out these reviews, pointing and laughing) the sweet was the best bit. But with her, it often is.

In truth she preferred the look of my strawberry meringue and finished it off for me, although I was pretty full by this time and could only fit in a coffee, which I was pleased to see was included in the original price.

Even though I was full and reasonably satisfied, I thought the Empire Hotel let itself down in the detail.
Let's get it straight, none of these minor points spoilt the night. The food was what you'd expect for the price and the decor fantastic.

It's just that while I'd had a bad day, the staff at the Empire Hotel had a bad night.